Think Thin

I’m a fucking fool.

I can’t believe I ate so much yesterday.

What the fuck is wrong with me. Just because I’m having other issues doesn’t give me a reason to eat…actually, it gives me an excuse to not eat. To be one of those girls that doesn’t eat when she gets sad.

I’m just going to drink away my pain this weekend and eat as little as possible and start again on monday.

Day Six

Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.

I did. I will not anymore. I do it because it makes me feel immediately better, but then I feel shitty right after and for at least a day after.

Yesterday I consumed 1400 calories and burned 1700 calories…a 300 calorie deficit.

The worst part about all this is I can’t believe she did this to us…not that he did this. I should be madder at him. I just don’t believe it at all right now. I’m not sure who to ask. I don’t know who to talk to. It’s embarrassing and hurtful and I wouldn’t be able to cope if it were true.

Day Five

Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?

I don’t think I was. I think I was doing it to impress people. But now that I realize that, I can do it for me and push myself harder.

I fucked up this weekend. So bad.

I will not do it again.

I will not be that girl.

I have control now and that little voice in my head that tries to get me to eat that bad food will be quieted.

I don’t want to feel like a pig anymore, so I won’t.

I feel so stupid.

I binged. Of course I did. I’m not good enough. I never will be.

I feel so unimportant. Will my life mean anything?

Day Four

Your greatest fears about weight loss.

I think my greatest fear is never getting to a happy weight. Even if I keep losing, what if I’m still not happy? I’m always going to find faults in my body…who’s to say I won’t keep finding faults with my weight?

Yesterday I burned 2100 and consumed 1600…a 500 calorie deficit.